not surprising, kind of, that it's really about nami in the end. zoro's been stuck in the middle, desperately trying to hold onto them both, to keep the three of them together, teeth practically gritting from the sheer exertion of it as they keep doing things to drive the other away with only small respites in between before they pull apart again. he feels selfish wanting them both, loving them both.
but β what the fuck else is he supposed to do? )
we will be and me and you could be too if you'd let us.
( there's a pause before zoro starts typing again. )
i'm not letting you dump me over a text message, so if you're serious, you can say it to my face.
[ he could be. and β he is, even if he never talks about it. he just exists with zoro, in silence or in petty squabbles or in something that's shown in action more than anything he could say. losing nami means extracting the other side of his heart, so that nothing remains at all. their suite will feel so much emptier, with zoro spending all his time with nami now β which he should, because he doesn't want nami to be alone. ]
i have to prep a menu for koby's party. get all your shit out of my room. keep it on your side of the suite. and make sure you don't choose a shitty tree.
i already told you i'm not doing shit until you look me in the eyes and say it like you mean it because it's bullshit and you know it.
( the last time this happened β freshly awoken in this hell house, the memory of frigid cold and furs and the crackle of the fireplace, mismatched eyes wide and teary, i love you, i love you gasped as zoro fucked into him all fresh in his mind β he'd accepted it, overwhelmed, storming out of sanji's room. now, months later, he sits on the floor of their shared bathroom, staring at the closed door to sanji's room that he knows isn't locked but may as well be.
[ he could kill zoro right now, as he sits on his bed and rubs tears from his eyes, a sweet cloud of smoke exhaled in a shuddering breath as he plucks the sugarette from his lips and stands up, staring into nothingness to compose himself. then he stalks to the door and opens it, angling his gaze down at zoro's slouched form on the bathroom floor.
he wants to crouch down, bring himself to eye level and seek out the pillow-softness of his lips. instead, he brings the sugarette back to his mouth for a bracing drag, his other hand slipping into his pocket so no one can see the way his fingers clench so tight he etches crescents into his palm. ]
You need to go to Nami. After everything that was said on Koby's damn invitation, you know how she must be feeling. Alina. Set. All of it. It was shitty, and she's alone, because you think sitting on the bathroom floor arguing with me is a better way to spend your time. It's not. You want to hear it out loud? It's over. It's done. We're done. Now get your shitty ass out of here. Go be with someone who wants you around.
( it's fucking stupid to have such a visceral reaction to sanji doing exactly what zoro's been daring him to do, but when he walks through the door β an immediate pang of grief floods through him, throat tightening. he thought ... he'd have more time, maybe, to go over what the fuck he could possibly say to get this asshole to change his mind, because nothing ever comes out the right way when he tries to say how he feels. instead, sanji stands before him, almost statuesque if not for the plume of smoke that filters past his lips.
go be with someone who wants you around, he commands, and it's dizzying, makes zoro's breath stutter before he pushes himself to his feet. )
No.
( he takes a tentative step forward, maybe two, even knowing that he shouldn't, breathing in the sweet scent of the sugarette as he draws closer. )
I know how you must be feeling, too, and β you shouldn't be alone, either. ( because zoro's been here before with sanji: nami leaving, tears mixing with the blood running down his cheek from the place where his eye once was, holding him tightly through the sobs wracking his body under the darkness of night. he knows the magnitude of what it'll do to him. now, zoro reaches to cup sanji's cheek, thumb tracing over the scar that stays mostly hidden beneath blonde bangs now. )
I love her, but I love you, too.
( zoro's still here as always, stubborn as ever, desperately trying to stay anchored to them both, not knowing how he can stay afloat with half of himself missing. )
[ it was supposed to be quick, easy. filleting a fish, not butchering an entire cow.
zoro's hand blows off his facade of calm like powdered sugar, the calloused pad of his thumb traveling the line left by his physical sacrifice for nami's life. the breath shudders out of him. it's embarrassing how fast he crumbles, eyes widening as if he's been struck, those words sinking in to hit the very core of him. he said it months ago. he said it to nami too, and he's never heard it back, not that he said it to receive anything in return, but he's already accepted that he isn't enough for anyone to feel that way about him. zeff wouldn't even love him anymore, if he knew all the ways he's failed to make him proud. ]
You damned shithead. [ the words are barely a mutter, turning away to swipe his wrist over his eyes, because he's already crying, his shoulders quaking and his chest caving into the space where his heart is in pieces. he doesn't want zoro to go, not when he loves him, and zoro loves him back, and he chose the worst possible time to tell him. ] You shitty β little β
[ he's crying for real now, sobbing like he's a stupid little kid again, his eyes throbbing, hot, stabbing pains lancing across his broken heart. reality sweeps in like a flood, like a nightmare, and he covers his face with his hands, candied smoke wafting from the sugarette pinched between his fingers. ]
She said it in front of everyone. Where everyone could see. [ me and sanji arenβt together anymore. damning and final. ] She tossed me aside like β like it was nothing. Like we were nothing. And I know it was my fault, I know I deserve every bit of her ire, but β seeing that felt like dying. I want to die now. I hurt her so badly. I can never forgive myself, never, and I can't be with you, because I just need you to be with her. Please. Zoro. Please do that for me. Please do it, because I love you, and I'm asking.
( his timing fucking sucks. zoro's timing always fucking sucks. he's too late β again, only gathering up the courage to tell this shitty cook how he really feels when things are ending (again). why is that?
maybe it's just because zoro feels like it's obvious in everything that he does β why else would he begrudgingly sink into the hot water of their shared bathtub when he already bathed two days ago, fingers lazily massaging shampoo into sanji's blonde hair? why else would he wake up some mornings before the sun rose just to walk with sanji to the kitchen with the excuse that he's going on his morning run anyway?
sanji's crying, and it cuts deeper than mihawk's blade through his chest, zoro's palm sliding to rest on his shoulder instead as sanji buries his face in his hand like that might stifle the sheer level of pain that pours out of him with each word, flowing right into zoro instead. his heart's pounding and his throat feels tight.
because i love you. how can something feel so fucking right but so fucking wrong? he doesn't want to accept it, doesn't want to do it β wants, actually, to tell sanji to fuck off, because it doesn't make any sense. why the fuck would he let him go? because i'm asking.
zoro swallows thickly, opens his mouth like he might say something, but immediately thinks better of it when the corners of his eyes sting. instead: his hands encircle sanji's wrists and gently pull his hands away from his face, not giving a shit about what a mess he is when he leans in to press his lips against sanji's in a kiss that somehow feels even more dire, even more final than that night of the werewolf vote gone right. they'd kissed then with the knowledge that they both might die β but that was okay with zoro, because nami would still have luffy and usopp and koby and shanks to protect her and take care of her. now, sanji wants and trusts zoro alone to protect her and take care of her for the both of them.
he's afraid to let him go. all he can do is breathe out on a shaky exhale against sanji's lips before kissing him again: ) Okay.
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text β un: LOVECOOK
Date: 2024-12-02 10:43 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2024-12-02 11:50 pm (UTC)you should've just come and woke me up, idiot
i'll go find a tree
sorry
(no subject)
Date: 2024-12-02 11:54 pm (UTC)you still have to get the tree though. jinx is going to paint it. don't keep her waiting.
(no subject)
Date: 2024-12-03 12:06 am (UTC)( he's not actively doing so, considering it's pretty hard to chop down a tree while trying to talk your ex(?) bf off of a cliff. )
what is it this time then?
( just another day, etc. )
(no subject)
Date: 2024-12-03 12:53 am (UTC)it's everything.
nami and i are
we're not together anymore. we're not anything, i don't think.
and i can't be with you if i'm not with her.
[ he's not yelling or acting out or calling him names. for once, he's serious about this. ]
you two should be happy together.
(no subject)
Date: 2024-12-03 01:17 am (UTC)not surprising, kind of, that it's really about nami in the end. zoro's been stuck in the middle, desperately trying to hold onto them both, to keep the three of them together, teeth practically gritting from the sheer exertion of it as they keep doing things to drive the other away with only small respites in between before they pull apart again. he feels selfish wanting them both, loving them both.
but β what the fuck else is he supposed to do? )
we will be
and me and you could be too if you'd let us.
( there's a pause before zoro starts typing again. )
i'm not letting you dump me over a text message, so if you're serious, you can say it to my face.
(no subject)
Date: 2024-12-03 01:29 am (UTC)i have to prep a menu for koby's party.
get all your shit out of my room. keep it on your side of the suite.
and make sure you don't choose a shitty tree.
(no subject)
Date: 2024-12-03 02:09 am (UTC)i'm not doing shit until you look me in the eyes and say it like you mean it because it's bullshit and you know it.
( the last time this happened β freshly awoken in this hell house, the memory of frigid cold and furs and the crackle of the fireplace, mismatched eyes wide and teary, i love you, i love you gasped as zoro fucked into him all fresh in his mind β he'd accepted it, overwhelmed, storming out of sanji's room. now, months later, he sits on the floor of their shared bathroom, staring at the closed door to sanji's room that he knows isn't locked but may as well be.
this time, he's not going down without a fight.)
(no subject)
Date: 2024-12-03 02:34 am (UTC)he wants to crouch down, bring himself to eye level and seek out the pillow-softness of his lips. instead, he brings the sugarette back to his mouth for a bracing drag, his other hand slipping into his pocket so no one can see the way his fingers clench so tight he etches crescents into his palm. ]
You need to go to Nami. After everything that was said on Koby's damn invitation, you know how she must be feeling. Alina. Set. All of it. It was shitty, and she's alone, because you think sitting on the bathroom floor arguing with me is a better way to spend your time. It's not. You want to hear it out loud? It's over. It's done. We're done. Now get your shitty ass out of here. Go be with someone who wants you around.
(no subject)
Date: 2024-12-03 04:38 am (UTC)go be with someone who wants you around, he commands, and it's dizzying, makes zoro's breath stutter before he pushes himself to his feet. )
No.
( he takes a tentative step forward, maybe two, even knowing that he shouldn't, breathing in the sweet scent of the sugarette as he draws closer. )
I know how you must be feeling, too, and β you shouldn't be alone, either. ( because zoro's been here before with sanji: nami leaving, tears mixing with the blood running down his cheek from the place where his eye once was, holding him tightly through the sobs wracking his body under the darkness of night. he knows the magnitude of what it'll do to him. now, zoro reaches to cup sanji's cheek, thumb tracing over the scar that stays mostly hidden beneath blonde bangs now. )
I love her, but I love you, too.
( zoro's still here as always, stubborn as ever, desperately trying to stay anchored to them both, not knowing how he can stay afloat with half of himself missing. )
(no subject)
Date: 2024-12-04 01:56 am (UTC)zoro's hand blows off his facade of calm like powdered sugar, the calloused pad of his thumb traveling the line left by his physical sacrifice for nami's life. the breath shudders out of him. it's embarrassing how fast he crumbles, eyes widening as if he's been struck, those words sinking in to hit the very core of him. he said it months ago. he said it to nami too, and he's never heard it back, not that he said it to receive anything in return, but he's already accepted that he isn't enough for anyone to feel that way about him. zeff wouldn't even love him anymore, if he knew all the ways he's failed to make him proud. ]
You damned shithead. [ the words are barely a mutter, turning away to swipe his wrist over his eyes, because he's already crying, his shoulders quaking and his chest caving into the space where his heart is in pieces. he doesn't want zoro to go, not when he loves him, and zoro loves him back, and he chose the worst possible time to tell him. ] You shitty β little β
[ he's crying for real now, sobbing like he's a stupid little kid again, his eyes throbbing, hot, stabbing pains lancing across his broken heart. reality sweeps in like a flood, like a nightmare, and he covers his face with his hands, candied smoke wafting from the sugarette pinched between his fingers. ]
She said it in front of everyone. Where everyone could see. [ me and sanji arenβt together anymore. damning and final. ] She tossed me aside like β like it was nothing. Like we were nothing. And I know it was my fault, I know I deserve every bit of her ire, but β seeing that felt like dying. I want to die now. I hurt her so badly. I can never forgive myself, never, and I can't be with you, because I just need you to be with her. Please. Zoro. Please do that for me. Please do it, because I love you, and I'm asking.
(no subject)
Date: 2024-12-07 01:46 am (UTC)maybe it's just because zoro feels like it's obvious in everything that he does β why else would he begrudgingly sink into the hot water of their shared bathtub when he already bathed two days ago, fingers lazily massaging shampoo into sanji's blonde hair? why else would he wake up some mornings before the sun rose just to walk with sanji to the kitchen with the excuse that he's going on his morning run anyway?
sanji's crying, and it cuts deeper than mihawk's blade through his chest, zoro's palm sliding to rest on his shoulder instead as sanji buries his face in his hand like that might stifle the sheer level of pain that pours out of him with each word, flowing right into zoro instead. his heart's pounding and his throat feels tight.
because i love you. how can something feel so fucking right but so fucking wrong? he doesn't want to accept it, doesn't want to do it β wants, actually, to tell sanji to fuck off, because it doesn't make any sense. why the fuck would he let him go? because i'm asking.
zoro swallows thickly, opens his mouth like he might say something, but immediately thinks better of it when the corners of his eyes sting. instead: his hands encircle sanji's wrists and gently pull his hands away from his face, not giving a shit about what a mess he is when he leans in to press his lips against sanji's in a kiss that somehow feels even more dire, even more final than that night of the werewolf vote gone right. they'd kissed then with the knowledge that they both might die β but that was okay with zoro, because nami would still have luffy and usopp and koby and shanks to protect her and take care of her. now, sanji wants and trusts zoro alone to protect her and take care of her for the both of them.
he's afraid to let him go. all he can do is breathe out on a shaky exhale against sanji's lips before kissing him again: ) Okay.