[ it was supposed to be quick, easy. filleting a fish, not butchering an entire cow.
zoro's hand blows off his facade of calm like powdered sugar, the calloused pad of his thumb traveling the line left by his physical sacrifice for nami's life. the breath shudders out of him. it's embarrassing how fast he crumbles, eyes widening as if he's been struck, those words sinking in to hit the very core of him. he said it months ago. he said it to nami too, and he's never heard it back, not that he said it to receive anything in return, but he's already accepted that he isn't enough for anyone to feel that way about him. zeff wouldn't even love him anymore, if he knew all the ways he's failed to make him proud. ]
You damned shithead. [ the words are barely a mutter, turning away to swipe his wrist over his eyes, because he's already crying, his shoulders quaking and his chest caving into the space where his heart is in pieces. he doesn't want zoro to go, not when he loves him, and zoro loves him back, and he chose the worst possible time to tell him. ] You shitty β little β
[ he's crying for real now, sobbing like he's a stupid little kid again, his eyes throbbing, hot, stabbing pains lancing across his broken heart. reality sweeps in like a flood, like a nightmare, and he covers his face with his hands, candied smoke wafting from the sugarette pinched between his fingers. ]
She said it in front of everyone. Where everyone could see. [ me and sanji arenβt together anymore. damning and final. ] She tossed me aside like β like it was nothing. Like we were nothing. And I know it was my fault, I know I deserve every bit of her ire, but β seeing that felt like dying. I want to die now. I hurt her so badly. I can never forgive myself, never, and I can't be with you, because I just need you to be with her. Please. Zoro. Please do that for me. Please do it, because I love you, and I'm asking.
( his timing fucking sucks. zoro's timing always fucking sucks. he's too late β again, only gathering up the courage to tell this shitty cook how he really feels when things are ending (again). why is that?
maybe it's just because zoro feels like it's obvious in everything that he does β why else would he begrudgingly sink into the hot water of their shared bathtub when he already bathed two days ago, fingers lazily massaging shampoo into sanji's blonde hair? why else would he wake up some mornings before the sun rose just to walk with sanji to the kitchen with the excuse that he's going on his morning run anyway?
sanji's crying, and it cuts deeper than mihawk's blade through his chest, zoro's palm sliding to rest on his shoulder instead as sanji buries his face in his hand like that might stifle the sheer level of pain that pours out of him with each word, flowing right into zoro instead. his heart's pounding and his throat feels tight.
because i love you. how can something feel so fucking right but so fucking wrong? he doesn't want to accept it, doesn't want to do it β wants, actually, to tell sanji to fuck off, because it doesn't make any sense. why the fuck would he let him go? because i'm asking.
zoro swallows thickly, opens his mouth like he might say something, but immediately thinks better of it when the corners of his eyes sting. instead: his hands encircle sanji's wrists and gently pull his hands away from his face, not giving a shit about what a mess he is when he leans in to press his lips against sanji's in a kiss that somehow feels even more dire, even more final than that night of the werewolf vote gone right. they'd kissed then with the knowledge that they both might die β but that was okay with zoro, because nami would still have luffy and usopp and koby and shanks to protect her and take care of her. now, sanji wants and trusts zoro alone to protect her and take care of her for the both of them.
he's afraid to let him go. all he can do is breathe out on a shaky exhale against sanji's lips before kissing him again: ) Okay.
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(no subject)
Date: 2024-12-04 01:56 am (UTC)zoro's hand blows off his facade of calm like powdered sugar, the calloused pad of his thumb traveling the line left by his physical sacrifice for nami's life. the breath shudders out of him. it's embarrassing how fast he crumbles, eyes widening as if he's been struck, those words sinking in to hit the very core of him. he said it months ago. he said it to nami too, and he's never heard it back, not that he said it to receive anything in return, but he's already accepted that he isn't enough for anyone to feel that way about him. zeff wouldn't even love him anymore, if he knew all the ways he's failed to make him proud. ]
You damned shithead. [ the words are barely a mutter, turning away to swipe his wrist over his eyes, because he's already crying, his shoulders quaking and his chest caving into the space where his heart is in pieces. he doesn't want zoro to go, not when he loves him, and zoro loves him back, and he chose the worst possible time to tell him. ] You shitty β little β
[ he's crying for real now, sobbing like he's a stupid little kid again, his eyes throbbing, hot, stabbing pains lancing across his broken heart. reality sweeps in like a flood, like a nightmare, and he covers his face with his hands, candied smoke wafting from the sugarette pinched between his fingers. ]
She said it in front of everyone. Where everyone could see. [ me and sanji arenβt together anymore. damning and final. ] She tossed me aside like β like it was nothing. Like we were nothing. And I know it was my fault, I know I deserve every bit of her ire, but β seeing that felt like dying. I want to die now. I hurt her so badly. I can never forgive myself, never, and I can't be with you, because I just need you to be with her. Please. Zoro. Please do that for me. Please do it, because I love you, and I'm asking.
(no subject)
Date: 2024-12-07 01:46 am (UTC)maybe it's just because zoro feels like it's obvious in everything that he does β why else would he begrudgingly sink into the hot water of their shared bathtub when he already bathed two days ago, fingers lazily massaging shampoo into sanji's blonde hair? why else would he wake up some mornings before the sun rose just to walk with sanji to the kitchen with the excuse that he's going on his morning run anyway?
sanji's crying, and it cuts deeper than mihawk's blade through his chest, zoro's palm sliding to rest on his shoulder instead as sanji buries his face in his hand like that might stifle the sheer level of pain that pours out of him with each word, flowing right into zoro instead. his heart's pounding and his throat feels tight.
because i love you. how can something feel so fucking right but so fucking wrong? he doesn't want to accept it, doesn't want to do it β wants, actually, to tell sanji to fuck off, because it doesn't make any sense. why the fuck would he let him go? because i'm asking.
zoro swallows thickly, opens his mouth like he might say something, but immediately thinks better of it when the corners of his eyes sting. instead: his hands encircle sanji's wrists and gently pull his hands away from his face, not giving a shit about what a mess he is when he leans in to press his lips against sanji's in a kiss that somehow feels even more dire, even more final than that night of the werewolf vote gone right. they'd kissed then with the knowledge that they both might die β but that was okay with zoro, because nami would still have luffy and usopp and koby and shanks to protect her and take care of her. now, sanji wants and trusts zoro alone to protect her and take care of her for the both of them.
he's afraid to let him go. all he can do is breathe out on a shaky exhale against sanji's lips before kissing him again: ) Okay.