( said out loud, hand pressed against the definitely locked door to her bedroom. so much for playing it cool.
zoro sighs, sitting down with his back against the wall, tray of the threatened fruits and breakfast pastries set down beside him so he can yank his phone back out of his pocket. )
( despite telling herself she absolutely, under no circumstances, definitely really genuinely and truly does not want to see zoro right now โ she's still hopelessly, pitifully touched he's there. not bothered by her temperamental nature. still wanting to be around her.
she doesn't open the door, though. obviously. but she can admit quietly to herself, having zoro on the other side of it makes her feel better. a little. she moves to sit by the door too, forehead leaning against it. )
i don't know i guess i got too comfortable and he hurt me. i feel like a big idiot. it's so dumb.
do you think he's being serious when he says all that stuff? like i'm perfect and he wouldn't change me and he likes me even though he says that about every girl
( it probably looks stupid as hell, him sitting outside of nami's door like some overgrown guard kitty, but โ at least she hasn't told him to fuck off. that's progress, he thinks. and it means that he can still fulfill his oath in a way, even if it's not exactly going the way zoro had hoped.
his brow furrows as he reads nami's messages a few times over, pulling a knee up towards his chest and taking a bite of one of the scones he's brought, torn between wanting to murder sanji for upsetting nami and wanting to help him fix it because he, unfortunately, cares about that shithead, too. )
i do i'm pretty sure he doesn't tell every girl that he's in love with them not in the way that matters anyway
it's not a bad thing to be comfortable with someone
( at least right now he is. at the same time โ sheโs always has a kind of mutually grumpy understanding with zoro, because theyโre more similar than either of them are to sanji, presumably. sanji smiles the easiest, like a little ray of sunshine. (i think if i told zoro i loved him, he would at least make me feel like he thought the same, she thinks. not always so sunny. not always so soft with her. ) nami gives a heavy sigh on the other side of the door. )
when you and matt hooked up, was it because you werenโt happy? with me or sanji i mean am i the wrong one here? am i supposed to be doing something different?
( honestly, zoro would say that nami's easier to talk to, too โ if only because it doesn't usually devolve into calling each other shitty asshole pieces of shit.
he doesn't really have the thought to say that, though, because the realization of what sanji did hits him like a ton of bricks. it sends a prickly feeling from his chest and up his neck, nagging nagging nagging at him.
so, sanji hooked up with someone else.
sanji hooked up with someone else too.
it's why it shouldn't annoy him as much as it does, grip on his scone tightening and sending crumbs flying. he did the same fucking thing with matt. he and sanji are good right now for once, so zoro should have no reason to be jealous because of this stupid fucking cook. unfortunately, he realizes that this is how nami must've felt when zoro ... how she still feels, twice over. )
no i mean that's when me and him weren't talking but i don't think that's why
i can't speak for him but for me it was just kind of something i felt compelled to do like if i wasn't at the club i never would have
he told me this place is worse than the village i didn't really believe him then but i'm starting to think that he might be right it's just a different kind of fucked up shit not physical but emotional
( out loud, head thumping when it presses to the door a little too roughly, voice thick and weighty with all the misuse of several hours yelling and occasionally (see: frequently) crying. the real reason she didn't want zoro to come: just for today, she's not capable of faking a smile or acting unbothered. usually she would be, if only because she doesn't ordinarily express herself with anything more than cranky disinterest.
but. sanji told her he loved her, and then he hurt her. nami wanted to be vulnerable for him, wanted it, and this was her reward for it. it's not that loving sanji in return is some huge ask โ it's that everything nami loves needs to be taken out back and shot in the head. first, her mother. brain bits stained on the tangerine stripe of her shirt, clutching her big sister, planning out the hateful path of her life. now? she thought about finding the strength to tell sanji she loves him. this is, naturally, life's way of reminding her of her place. )
But. I went to the club too, and I didn't โ I didn't. I โ ( she clears her throat loudly, pressing her cheek to her knee so zoro can't hear her crying. switches. )
( the sound of nami's voice through the door immediately makes zoro drop his dumb scone and clamber to his knees, hand against the door and staring at it like if he glares long enough, he'll burn a hole right through it. it hurts, makes his chest fucking ache, hearing her stumble over her words, hearing the hurt coloring her voice. there's a slightly irrational part of him that has him reaching for the doorknob, because fuck it, nami's crying or something like it and zoro has a mind to bust open the door with his shoulder or something, gather her up in his arms, apologize over and over again between kisses.
instead, his hand drops to his side when he hears his phone vibrate on the floor next to him, and after another moment of staring at the closed door with a furrowed brow, he slumps back down, picking it up so he can read instead instead of listening.
it maybe takes zoro longer than he'd like to write a response โ because it's hard, finding the right way to say it, especially for a guy who would rather speak with his swords than with words.)
it means that i can't imagine what my life would be like without you you're so much of who i am now nami and i care about you and would do anything for you even if it means sitting outside your bedroom when i want to be in there with you
( he sends it with a sigh before starting to type again. )
we've been through too much together me you and sanji i know he loves you the way that i do
even back in the village when you left i
( tried to keep sanji alive, or something like that. wrapped bandages around his head, tight around the empty socket where his eye once was, covered by the swoop of his bangs. wiped his tears, wrapped his arms around him in the middle of the night, never acknowledging any of it in the light of day. )
he wasn't the same when you were gone
( because she's a part of sanji, too โ inextricably linked by straw hats or changeling marks or silly little trays of fancy breakfast foods. )
( it's like a warm balm,ย like sliding into the coziest, comfiest bath robe by some lit fireplace and snuggling up on a bear skin rug, surrounded by soft things that make heat press back into her sad, cold bones. nami knows none of this comes naturally to zoro, which makes it all the more important and impressive that he's good at it, that he tries. unlike sanji, zoro doesn't lie โ zoro is easy to trust. when he says i love you to nami, he actually means it, although it's anyone's guess why, when her pointed insecurities are the reason he's outside a door right now, sitting on the floor like he's the one she's mad at.
a part of her knows it isn't fair. sanji might be eccentric and lovey and woman-hungry, but they've shared private moments with just the two of them before that have felt real and honest โ she's just mad at him, hurt by him, not willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. it's easier to be angry when she feels justified instead of just miserable, wondering if she'll ever fully be enough for someone like him, when she can't even tell him she loves him, but she can cut him out at every opportunity, like some kind of self preservation. cut off the hand to save the arm. it's not the first time she's gone running in the opposite direction, he's just never โ hurt her this bad before.
on her side, she stands up, fingers on the lock. )
look i don't really want to talk about it anymore but if you wanna join me in moping today that's fine just count to ten before you come in
( it gives her enough time to slide the lock open, reset some drapes around one of the windows, and crawl into bed facing away from zoro, curled up on the far side with everyone room for him to slide in next to her. about as close to asking for cuddles as nami ever gets. )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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go spend the day with sanji
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ah. )
what did the shitty waiter do
i'll slice his dick off
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( said out loud, hand pressed against the definitely locked door to her bedroom. so much for playing it cool.
zoro sighs, sitting down with his back against the wall, tray of the threatened fruits and breakfast pastries set down beside him so he can yank his phone back out of his pocket. )
you can tell me what happened
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she doesn't open the door, though. obviously. but she can admit quietly to herself, having zoro on the other side of it makes her feel better. a little. she moves to sit by the door too, forehead leaning against it. )
i don't know
i guess
i got too comfortable and he hurt me. i feel like a big idiot. it's so dumb.
do you think he's being serious when he says all that stuff? like
i'm perfect and he wouldn't change me and he likes me
even though he says that about every girl
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his brow furrows as he reads nami's messages a few times over, pulling a knee up towards his chest and taking a bite of one of the scones he's brought, torn between wanting to murder sanji for upsetting nami and wanting to help him fix it because he, unfortunately, cares about that shithead, too. )
i do
i'm pretty sure he doesn't tell every girl that he's in love with them
not in the way that matters anyway
it's not a bad thing to be comfortable with someone
( well โ )
someones
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( at least right now he is. at the same time โ sheโs always has a kind of mutually grumpy understanding with zoro, because theyโre more similar than either of them are to sanji, presumably. sanji smiles the easiest, like a little ray of sunshine. (i think if i told zoro i loved him, he would at least make me feel like he thought the same, she thinks. not always so sunny. not always so soft with her. ) nami gives a heavy sigh on the other side of the door. )
when you and matt hooked up, was it because you werenโt happy?
with me or sanji
i mean
am i the wrong one here? am i supposed to be doing something different?
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he doesn't really have the thought to say that, though, because the realization of what sanji did hits him like a ton of bricks. it sends a prickly feeling from his chest and up his neck, nagging nagging nagging at him.
so, sanji hooked up with someone else.
sanji hooked up with someone else too.
it's why it shouldn't annoy him as much as it does, grip on his scone tightening and sending crumbs flying. he did the same fucking thing with matt. he and sanji are good right now for once, so zoro should have no reason to be jealous because of this stupid fucking cook. unfortunately, he realizes that this is how nami must've felt when zoro ... how she still feels, twice over. )
no
i mean
that's when me and him weren't talking
but i don't think that's why
i can't speak for him but for me it was just kind of something i felt compelled to do
like if i wasn't at the club i never would have
he told me this place is worse than the village
i didn't really believe him then but i'm starting to think that he might be right
it's just a different kind of fucked up shit
not physical but emotional
no subject
( out loud, head thumping when it presses to the door a little too roughly, voice thick and weighty with all the misuse of several hours yelling and occasionally (see: frequently) crying. the real reason she didn't want zoro to come: just for today, she's not capable of faking a smile or acting unbothered. usually she would be, if only because she doesn't ordinarily express herself with anything more than cranky disinterest.
but. sanji told her he loved her, and then he hurt her. nami wanted to be vulnerable for him, wanted it, and this was her reward for it. it's not that loving sanji in return is some huge ask โ it's that everything nami loves needs to be taken out back and shot in the head. first, her mother. brain bits stained on the tangerine stripe of her shirt, clutching her big sister, planning out the hateful path of her life. now? she thought about finding the strength to tell sanji she loves him. this is, naturally, life's way of reminding her of her place. )
But. I went to the club too, and I didn't โ I didn't. I โ ( she clears her throat loudly, pressing her cheek to her knee so zoro can't hear her crying. switches. )
when you tell me you love me
what does that mean?
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instead, his hand drops to his side when he hears his phone vibrate on the floor next to him, and after another moment of staring at the closed door with a furrowed brow, he slumps back down, picking it up so he can read instead instead of listening.
it maybe takes zoro longer than he'd like to write a response โ because it's hard, finding the right way to say it, especially for a guy who would rather speak with his swords than with words.)
it means that i
can't imagine what my life would be like without you
you're so much of who i am now nami
and i care about you and would do anything for you
even if it means sitting outside your bedroom when i want to be in there with you
( he sends it with a sigh before starting to type again. )
we've been through too much together
me you and sanji
i know he loves you the way that i do
even back in the village when you left i
( tried to keep sanji alive, or something like that. wrapped bandages around his head, tight around the empty socket where his eye once was, covered by the swoop of his bangs. wiped his tears, wrapped his arms around him in the middle of the night, never acknowledging any of it in the light of day. )
he wasn't the same when you were gone
( because she's a part of sanji, too โ inextricably linked by straw hats or changeling marks or silly little trays of fancy breakfast foods. )
no subject
a part of her knows it isn't fair. sanji might be eccentric and lovey and woman-hungry, but they've shared private moments with just the two of them before that have felt real and honest โ she's just mad at him, hurt by him, not willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. it's easier to be angry when she feels justified instead of just miserable, wondering if she'll ever fully be enough for someone like him, when she can't even tell him she loves him, but she can cut him out at every opportunity, like some kind of self preservation. cut off the hand to save the arm. it's not the first time she's gone running in the opposite direction, he's just never โ hurt her this bad before.
on her side, she stands up, fingers on the lock. )
look i don't really want to talk about it anymore
but if you wanna join me in moping today that's fine
just count to ten before you come in
( it gives her enough time to slide the lock open, reset some drapes around one of the windows, and crawl into bed facing away from zoro, curled up on the far side with everyone room for him to slide in next to her. about as close to asking for cuddles as nami ever gets. )